Even from the very first conversation you have with your children about your divorce — perhaps the one in which you inform them about what you and your spouse have decided — you want to give them a chance to continue to ask questions as they arise.
This can be hard for parents. They may think of divorce as an “adult” topic. They may feel embarrassed. They may think that they are protecting the children in some sense by refusing to mention it or shielding them from it.
In reality, though, letting children ask questions can help them work through the situation and understand it — two things they often struggle with. It also shows them that you care and that you value them as people who are also affected by this change in their lives. They deserve that.
Now, that doesn’t mean you have to go into all of the details. Maybe your spouse was unfaithful and you’d rather not get into it with a five-year-old. That, of course, is fine.
However, you want to give children a voice and to address the concerns that they have. Remember that they may not be what you’d expect. For instance, they may seem very worried about not living near their best friend that or having to go to a new school. These may feel like minor details to you, but they’re important to the children and you need to talk about them.
As you move closer to the divorce, take the time to look in to your child custody options and think about how you can put your children first.